Do You Have FOMO: Fear Of Missing Out?

It doesn’t take long in a conversation among busy adults to get to the pervasive, underlying concern: “Am I making the right choices for my career, my kids, my life?” We’re so often consumed with what we – or our loved ones – might be missing or not achieving. It’s not a surprise to me that FOMO, the acronym for fear of missing out, was added to the Oxford English Dictionary in 2013.

Most of us have a pretty bad case of FOMO, if we’re willing to admit it.

It’s normal to feel this anticipatory regret from time to time. We may decide we need to stay home and rest on a Saturday night, but we’re a bit uneasy to miss the dinner party with our friends.

But I’m seeing that we’re losing perspective and letting FOMO drive us, often blindly, to decisions we don’t even want to make. The Washington Post recently published a story about how the parenting arms race is negatively impacting students and parents alike, yet everyone is afraid to be the ones to stop. Another nod to FOMO.  

Recent studies have shown that FOMO is often linked to feelings of disconnection and dissatisfaction, and that social media fuels it. Think how many people constantly scan email or Facebook to keep up with friends’ updates. Some people don’t just want to keep up – they start to compare and evaluate their lives based on how they see others portraying their own.

As this article from Psychologies Magazine points out, FOMO is a phenomenon that predates the trendy abbreviation; it’s a “modern take on the grass being greener on the other side.”

It’s clear that FOMO can affect your personal life.  But what about your work?  How can you tell if FOMO is influencing decisions about your career?  Here are a few signs that you might be suffering from excessive FOMO, and that it might be having an impact on your job.

You might have FOMO if you…

…constantly check social media and email. 

This isn’t about logging into Facebook a few times a day; this is feeling antsy if you can’t be connected at all times.  We like to blame our work cultures for forcing us to always be available on email, but in my experience, it’s more often a choice the person makes. After all, we train people how to treat us.

The fact is, many of us check our email and social media because we want to. We like to stay in the know, and to be on top of everything. In other words, we don’t want to miss out. (Of course we are, by not paying attention to the people in front of us, but that’s a point for another post.)

…want to participate in every meeting or decision at work. 

As a general rule, most people aren’t fans of meetings.  Still, if you find them useful – or even enjoy them – more power to you.  But if that’s not the case, and yet you still want to join in, ask yourself very carefully why.  In an article about FOMO in the workplace, Telegraph contributor Claire Cohen cites a friend who tells her, “Every time I pass a meeting room I go straight back to my desk and look at my colleagues’ calendars to see whether I should have been invited.” 

Luckily this friend ends up realizing that in a majority of cases, the meeting has nothing to do with her. The example, though, is classic FOMO in the workplace – and a familiar one.

FOMO also plays a role in delegation. I’ve seen a fair share of leaders who can’t let go and delegate because of a concern with not being in the know. 

…continuously question your work-life choices.   

Work-life balance is something many of us struggle with.  It’s normal to wonder from time to time if you’re handling it right. That said, one sure way to get it wrong is to never be satisfied with what you’re doing when you’re doing it.

We’re at our kid’s soccer game worrying about what we’re missing in a meeting. And we’re staying late at work worrying about what we’re missing at home. And so goes the destructive cycle in an endless round of FOMO.

As my friend says, the work is infinite but our time is finite. We will always be missing something, but if we’re spending our time worrying about it, we’re missing everything.

…incessantly feel unsettled about career choices you’ve made.  

We all make career moves that are less than stellar, yet we can try to learn from them and move on. This is different than a chronic feeling of never being in the right place with our careers. That type of incessant unsettledness is self-perpetuating as we’re never fully in or out, and therefore don’t make the best of any situation.

Again, social media provides an all-too-easy way to add fuel to the fire. If you find yourself regretting or calling your job into question routinely – especially after checking out your friends’ seemingly wonderful work lives as portrayed on social media sites – you need to do some thinking about why.  Career development specialist and author John Lees created this interesting list of regrets you might think you have, and a reasonable response to each one. 

My guess is you’re reading this because FOMO feels familiar to you. The topic is gaining steam in psychology circles, and deservedly. If we want to have an honest discussion about overwhelm and sustainability, then FOMO can be a good place to start.

The good news? FOMO, like most things, is a choice. When you know what’s going on, you can name it and claim it. Then decide if that’s really how you want to spend your precious time.

Thoughts to share? Comment here or @kristihedges.

Kristi Hedges is a leadership coach, speaker and author of The Power of Presence: Unlock Your Potential to Influence and Engage Others. Find her at kristihedges.com and @kristihedges.